A Letter to You

Dear Sir, 

Sometimes I think about you. Sometimes little things will remind me of you, and it will make me sad. It chills my heart; it makes my entire body cold so that I want to wrap my arms tightly around myself and curl up so nothing can hurt me. I'm insane, I'm crazy, why am I this way? We barely knew each other for a month and a half. 

But I fell, I fell so damn hard that all the bones in my body are broken. I hurt so badly, I have no idea how to put myself back together. 

I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for wishing every night that things would have turned out differently; that they would have or could one day work out. I hate that I'm so afraid to meet anyone new. I hate that I'm terrified to fall for someone again. 

Your silence hurts worse than any harsh words you could have ever said to me. I wish I could talk to you, I wish I could text you, or IM you. I wish I could write on your wall. I wish I could come over to your house and watch a movie with you. I wish for all of these things so hard that sometimes it's literally a physical pain that I feel all over my body. 

Again, I question my sanity. I shouldn't feel this way when someone made so brief of an appearance in my life. But I do. Stuff like this just doesn't make sense. 

I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder if I could have done things differently; should I have said this and not that? Should I have done this and not that? I hate myself for thinking this way. 

I wish you knew how much I miss you. I wish you knew how you made me feel; safe and warm and alive and cared for and special. I wish you would know the profound impact you had on my life. I wish you would know that I didn't think I could let anyone into my life again until I met you. I wish you would know that I gave you my whole entire heart. I want you to know I wish I could fix whatever it is that's broken. I want you to know that if there were a second chance, I'd take it in a half a heartbeat. 

But most of all, I wish you could make the hurt go away. 

You know my arms are open. 

Love, Me