Obviously, none of those things even remotely happened, and the reality of the situation is that I was a slightly buzzed nineteen-year-old, and you were a drunk, lost and confused twenty-one-year-old. We were two desperately lonely people looking for comfort in an environment ill-suited for anything other than getting drunk on cheap beer.
But it meant something to me. It really did. Those years I spent loving you had a really profound impact on my life. And regardless of how I feel now, they're are irrevocably etched into my brain. I wouldn't take them back. I spent so many years wishing and hoping and praying that something, anything, any miracle of any kind would bring you back to me that I could probably literally add years onto my life.
Nothing ever happened.
I understand now that was for a reason. I've said before that when something is right in your life, all the pain and wrong makes sense. Well, it all makes sense now. It was preparing me to be a stronger person for him.
He is wonderful. He is truly the other half of my heart. I would be lost without him. He completes me in a way that I never realized was possible; a part of me that I didn't even know I was missing until he came along. We fit together like puzzle pieces. He is, to borrow a line from Twilight (I know), everything I never knew I needed and everything I would have asked for, had I knew myself well enough to know what I needed. We operate like a well-oiled machine. We take care of each other, when one is down, the other is up, doing everything in their power to make sure the other gets what they need. I used to think that the person who was right for me would make me feel so at peace. But instead, he energizes me, he makes me excited to wake up in the morning, excited to conquer life's next adventure, because I know, that from now until forever, he is by my side to take on the world with me. He is my equal, my lover, my partner in crime, my teammate, my best friend. Everything is possible when we have each other.
So that's why today, on the day I met you five (FIVE!) years ago, I'm not nostalgic. I'm not wispy and weepy and sad. I'm happy. I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life. And I'm thankful. Thankful that I DID meet you on that cold October night, because if I hadn't, then I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be the strong, confident, secure woman I am now, who will someday be his wife.
I want you to know I'm great, I'm wonderful. I'm happy and (mostly) healthy. That I'm going to change the world and be a beautiful bride and that I still like bacon on my Jimmy John's sandwiches. That I still stay up late and still wear that perfume you hated. That I don't drive a Jeep anymore, that I still don't like beer, and that I'll never, ever, ever, not for one minute, ever give up on my dreams and NEVER quit being true to myself.
I can almost see her now, that sorority girl in jeans and boots, freezing her ass off in the rain. I want to tell her to have fun, and that everything will be so much better someday. That the best years of her life haven't even begun yet. That you've got to slog through the muddy waters to get to the sunshine and rainbows.
I hope to see you again someday, my friend. I'll have a new last name by then, and a new life, but I'll still be the same old girl with a big heart and even bigger dreams.
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